Something to share

[setifienne]

the following piece is something that i found quite interesting and would to share it with those who are concern about the proficiency of English ********



WHY ENGLISH IS SO DIFFICULT ---

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice
If the plural of man is always called men
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?


If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?


Then one may be that, and three would be those
yet hat in the plural would never be hose
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.


We speak of a brother and also of brethren
but though we say mother we never say methren
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.


Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass
drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.


Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example
If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going
through the bough on a tree

Let's face it - English is a crazy ********

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple
nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in
England.


We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we
find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and
a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is
it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce
and hammers don't ham?


Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one
of them, What do you call it?


If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?


If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?


Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.


In what ******** do people recite at a play and play at a
recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise
man and a wiseguy are opposites?


You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a ******** in which
your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a
form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going
on.