trapped in distances

[ELMARIACHI]

All this time I was running away . imposing myself on people. Smiling and laughing with them not knowing what's even the talk is about . all I wanted of this connections is to be buried in human noise even though I hate it .I was afraid to be alone or to think or remember…
I 'm afraid that my old wounds are not haled yet or it might bleed again with her memories . so I needed some company that gets me thought the dark night of loneliness. And away from the shadows of my angry tears .
I started walking and walking without knowing the path of even the intention to enjoy the walk . just passing like a dead or like the cold breeze chasing the smiley faces.. …. then I entered into a narrow street with a lot of balconies
All the lights are off , the windows are shut ……..every human is dead Sleeping … flowing in pink dreams
and forged futures just to pass the night .
But my heart wouldn't let be that human or to be careless like a crazy homeless……. That I rather be … to forget.
Many memories strives in my mind , many stories I remembered in this quiet walk… angel's eyes….a smiles … fun….a promises… now they turned out to be just a cheap flying words. I read once in the newspapers a saying…
I laughed on it :<< the best love is the one side love …>> I wished that was what happened to me instead on this . to be fair it's not her fault . it's just me insisting on the idea of love – that's what it becomes- challenging the fate , the humanity … and the distances !!! god how much I hate this word. After those beautiful times.. we spread apart . our paths won't cross any more like we did then . she there now too many light years away from my heart sitting in her balcony mocking the light of the moon with those brown eyes . and epical smile …. And I am here!! In this hell hole fighting the time and the circumstances …. For what!! Isn't she suppose to fight with me, support me ….cry with me…!! Or just calm my heart with a simple phone call ….. all I need is to read her name on my missed calls list… to be sure that I'm still in her life…