I'm drowning in the darkness

[Karim_Rap_4_life]

(Wow Such a good Introduction!)

I'm fighting the tide

trying to reach the surface

?what's happening to me

I'm drowning
please consider these advices:

Hi Hind I am really impressed by what you’ve written

it’s very expressive using such similes and figurative speeches

Sea è Darkness

Technically:

Hind you know I love to provide some advices for people

Who love to write poems;

I would like you to accept this peace of advice if you want:

What is poem or why we call it a poem:

• it’s different from prose
• it’s best memorised and well remembered because of the use of Rhymes and Rhythm.

Follow me please:

Some body don’t like me talking about Rhymes and would say oh forget about rhymes and bla bla bla

Noooooooooooo

It’s totally a mistake coz if you want your writings seem like a poem

It’s important to imply rhymes then by this one you can put them regularly like this as an example:

……………………………….(A)

……………………………….(A)

……………………………….(B)

……………………………….(B)

Or

……………………………….(A)

……………………………….(B)

……………………………….(A)

……………………………….(B)

There are so many forms of poems you can learn about them……

Then the Rhythm…..

When you read a poem of (Moufdi Zakaria) or (Ibn Badiss) you feel a regular rhythm reading them can you tell me why?

Because;

Stanzas (Lines) are paralleled, equal in length.

These are two most important elements to build a great poem.

Then if you consider it as a “Thought” I’m sorry Coz I don’t know much about this kind of writings.

(1)
I'm drowning in the sea of sadness

………………………….(…….ness)

(we need a rhyme here)

Suggestion:
hopefulness

I’m drowning in the sea of sadness

After I lost my way to hopefulness

(2)

(I can’t find any hand to pull me)

(I can't find anyone to save me)

Suggestion:
I can't find any hand to pull and save me

(3)
(I'm fighting the waves alone and no one to rescue me dares)

Suggestion:
I’m lonely here fighting the waves

Who want to rescue me who dares

I've been struggling for a while now
second by second I'm sinking more

Grammar mistakes:

I've been struggling for a while now
Have + Been + Verb(ing) è Present perfect continuous

USE 1 Duration from the Past Until Now

USE 2 Recently, Lately

We use it the tense has a more general meaning of "lately." Or “Recently”

We use it to show that something started in the past and has continued up until now

You can say:

I’ve been struggling for a long while till now

I’ve been struggling till now.

Now:

An adverb means “at the present time”

Which tense do you think is suitable in this case?

• Present simple.
• Present Continuous
• Present perfect continuous

You can say;

I am struggling now

At the end I hope you take my comments in consideration and try to work again on this poem applying some instructions that I’ve told you about, then if you found a problem in finding rhymes tell me to provide some for you……..Good Luck.

[IMG]https://www.graphics99.com/wp-*******/uploads/2012/06/good-luck.gif[/IMG]