Short funny stories - منتديات الجلفة لكل الجزائريين و العرب

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English Literature Short stories, novels and poems...

في حال وجود أي مواضيع أو ردود مُخالفة من قبل الأعضاء، يُرجى الإبلاغ عنها فورًا باستخدام أيقونة تقرير عن مشاركة سيئة ( تقرير عن مشاركة سيئة )، و الموجودة أسفل كل مشاركة .

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Short funny stories

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أدوات الموضوع انواع عرض الموضوع
قديم 2014-01-16, 11:33   رقم المشاركة : 1
معلومات العضو
SuperMarket
بائع مسجل (أ)
 
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افتراضي Short funny stories

بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم

السلام عليكم


أقدم لكم مجموعة قصص قصيرة ومضحكة باللغة الإنجليزية

القصة الأولى

IT’S THE BUTCHER!

An old woman was lonely. She decided to get a pet. She didn’t have much money so she
went to a second hand pet shop.
She saw many animals: a three legged cat, a dog without a tail, fish that could only swim
backwards and a beautiful bird that could only say one thing, “Who is it?”. She decided to
buy the bird. She bought a cage for her bird and went home. She put the bird by the door and
went downtown to do some shopping.
While she was gone, a man knocked on the door.
“Who is it?” replied the parrot.
“It’s the butcher,” he said.
“Who is it?”, repeated the bird.
“It’s the butcher,” said the man.
“Who is it?” asked the parrot.
“It’s the butcher!!,”, said the man angrily.
“Who is it?” “It’s the butcher!!!!”, he screamed.
“Who is it?” “It’s the butcher, the butcher, the butch...”
Suddenly the butcher fell to the floor. He had had a heart attack.
Later that day, the old woman came home and found the man laying on her doorstep. She
opened her door and asked the parrot, “Who is it?” . The parrot replied,
“It’s the butcher!”



ترقبوا المزيد في الردود








 


رد مع اقتباس
قديم 2014-01-16, 13:58   رقم المشاركة : 2
معلومات العضو
SuperMarket
بائع مسجل (أ)
 
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افتراضي

القصة الثانية

The Dog

Linda Robinson was very thirsty and hungry so she went into a restaurant. There was an old woman in the cafe.
She was sitting near the door at a table. At her feet, under the table, there was a small dog.

Linda bought a glass of lemonade and some meat. She sat down at the table next to the old
woman. The old woman sat quietly. She looked lonely. Linda decided to be kind and talk to
the old woman.
“It is very hot today.” she said.
“Yes, but it is nice inside here.” replied the old woman.
Linda looked at the dog and asked, “Does your dog like people.”
The woman answered, “Oh! Yes! She loves people.”
Linda wanted to give the dog some meat. So she asked, “ Does your dog like meat?”
“They are his favourite food.” said the old lady.
Linda was terribly afraid of dogs so she asked, “Does your dog bite?”
The old woman smiled and said, “ NO! My dog is very tame. She is even afraid of cats!”
Linda took some meat in her hand and reached under the table. She put it near the dog’s mouth.
But the dog didn’t bite the meat, she bit her hand! Linda jumped up, spilling her lemonade.
She screamed, “I thought you said, your dog didn’t bite.”
The old woman looked at Linda and then at the dog. Then she said,

“THAT’S NOT MY DOG!”










رد مع اقتباس
قديم 2014-01-16, 14:50   رقم المشاركة : 3
معلومات العضو
SuperMarket
بائع مسجل (أ)
 
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افتراضي

هل أعجبتكم القصص؟
ما زال عندي الكثير










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قديم 2014-01-16, 14:53   رقم المشاركة : 4
معلومات العضو
SuperMarket
بائع مسجل (أ)
 
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افتراضي

في إنتظار ردودكم









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قديم 2014-01-17, 18:24   رقم المشاركة : 5
معلومات العضو
toulay
أستـاذة، مراقبة منتديات الانجليزية، والتّعليم الثّانوي
 
الصورة الرمزية toulay
 

 

 
الأوسمة
العضو المميز 
إحصائية العضو










افتراضي

thank you so much










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قديم 2014-01-17, 23:11   رقم المشاركة : 6
معلومات العضو
SuperMarket
بائع مسجل (أ)
 
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افتراضي

اقتباس:
المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة toulay مشاهدة المشاركة
thank you so much
Please, Don't mention it









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قديم 2014-01-19, 09:25   رقم المشاركة : 7
معلومات العضو
SuperMarket
بائع مسجل (أ)
 
إحصائية العضو










افتراضي

THE BIRTHDAY PRESENT

A woman needed to buy her mother a birthday present. She didn’t know what to buy her
mother. She only had one day to buy her mother something.
So she went out window shopping. Soon enough, she walked by a pet store window She
thought to herself, “What a lovely idea for a present! My mother is so lonely and she needs a
pet.”
The woman went into the store and saw many wonderful animals. Puppy dogs, fluffy cats,
gold fish, cute mice. But the woman didn’t think these were special enough. She asked the
manager if he had a pet that was really special.
The manager thought for a moment and replied, “Yes, but it costs a lot of money. $5.000”
“I have a parrot that can speak 7 ********s, Chinese, English, French, Korean, German,
Russian and even Hindi!”
The woman said, “Perfect” and bought the bird. She sent it by special delivery to her mother,
so she would get it the next day.
The next evening after work, the woman called her mother. She asked, “How do you like
your birthday present.”
Her mother replied, “Thank you, IT’S DELICIOUS!”










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قديم 2014-01-19, 09:57   رقم المشاركة : 8
معلومات العضو
SuperMarket
بائع مسجل (أ)
 
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افتراضي

Je ne sais pas pourquoi quelque mots nets deviennent des étoiles










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قديم 2014-01-19, 09:59   رقم المشاركة : 9
معلومات العضو
SuperMarket
بائع مسجل (أ)
 
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افتراضي

في القصة :

7 ********s
تعني

7 لغات









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قديم 2014-01-19, 14:13   رقم المشاركة : 10
معلومات العضو
SuperMarket
بائع مسجل (أ)
 
إحصائية العضو










افتراضي

The Salesman

Henry Leech was a salesman. He was a good salesman and sold lots of vacuum cleaners. One
week, the manager sent Henry into the countryside to sell.
He drove out of town and stopped at a farmhouse. He knocked on the door and the farmer’s
wife opened it. Henry started into his speech immediately.
“Mam, how much time do you spend sweeping the floors? “
“A lot of time. This is a farm and things get dirty quickly.” said the woman.
“And how much time do you spend beating the carpets?” asked Henry.
“A lot of time. This house gets dusty and my dog also lays on them”
“Well” said Henry, “This is your lucky day.”
Henry showed her his vacuum cleaner and said,
“You can clean the house in 5 minutes with this!”
The farmer’s wife didn’t look interested.
Henry took out a big bag of dirt. He opened it and threw it all over the floor. The farmer’s
wife was very surprised. Before she could speak Henry said, “ Mam, if this machine doesn’t
pick up every last piece of dirt, I will eat all of it!!!!!”
The farmer’s wife looked at Henry and said,

“WELL, I WILL GET YOU A SPOON.

WE HAVE NO ELECTRICITY.”










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قديم 2014-01-19, 14:33   رقم المشاركة : 11
معلومات العضو
SuperMarket
بائع مسجل (أ)
 
إحصائية العضو










افتراضي

Fish Tale

It was a cold winter day when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole
in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite.
He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked
out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not to far from the old man and dropped in his
fishing line.
It only took about a minute and WHAM!, a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the
boy pulled in the fish.
The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But the boy dropped in
his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one.
This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't take it any more since he
hadn't caught a thing all this time. He went to the boy and said, "Son, I've been
here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few
minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?" To which the
boy responded, "roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" The old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."
"Look" said the old man, "I can't understand a word you are saying."
So the boy spit into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!"









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قديم 2014-01-20, 09:04   رقم المشاركة : 12
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SuperMarket
بائع مسجل (أ)
 
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افتراضي

THE SHOPKEEPER

Once there was a shopkeeper named Mr. Park. He lived in New York and had had a
small corner store for 45 years. He worked very hard, 16 hours every day and he never took a
holiday.
One day, his daughter arrived at the store and found Mr. Park lying on the floor. He had had
a heart attack! She called 911 and he was rushed to the hospital.
He survived and was very weak, resting in the hospital. A day later he awoke and slowly
looked around his hospital room.
He asked in a weak voice, “Are you there, my dear wife?”
“Yes,” she replied “I am here my dearest.”
Mr. Park asked, “Are you here, my oldest son?”
“Yes, I am here.” replied his oldest son.
“Are you here, my daughter?” Mr. Park asked in a faint voice.
“Yes, father, I am here.” the daughter replied with a tear in her eye.
“Are you here, my youngest son?” asked Mr. Park.
“Yes, papa. I am here by your side.” said the baby of the family.
Suddenly Mr. Park’s eyes grew big and threw off the bed covers and jumped up, screaming,
“SO THEN, WHO IS WATCHING THE STORE!”










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قديم 2014-01-20, 09:14   رقم المشاركة : 13
معلومات العضو
SuperMarket
بائع مسجل (أ)
 
إحصائية العضو










افتراضي

The Lion

One day a lion was walking through the jungle. He was young and very proud. He met a
snake and said, “Who is the king of the jungle?”
The snake said, “You are.” It did not make the lion angry and he smiled.
Thirty metres later, he met a monkey and asked, “Monkey, Who is the king of the jungle?”
The monkey said quickly, “You are.” The lion smiled and continued on his way.
Next, the lion met a crocodile. He stopped and asked the crocodile, “Who is the king of the
jungle?” The crocodile didn’t answer so the lion roared very loudly. “WHO IS THE KING
OF THE JUNGLE?” The crocodile answered quickly, “You are.” The lion was satisfied and
said, “Next time, answer quickly or I will eat you!”
Finally, the lion met an elephant. He stopped, looked angrily at the elephant and asked,
“Elephant, who is king of the jungle?”
The elephant picked up the lion with his trunk and dropped him to the ground. The elephant
kicked the lion and then jumped on top of him.
The lion was very surprised and hurt. He got up, shook the dirt off and shouted,
“YOU DON’T HAVE TO GET ANGRY JUST BECAUSE YOU
DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER!”










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قديم 2014-01-20, 09:18   رقم المشاركة : 14
معلومات العضو
SuperMarket
بائع مسجل (أ)
 
إحصائية العضو










افتراضي

PICASSO (A True Story)

One day, a famous art collector was having a party. He had many famous paintings on his
walls. He saw one man studying his favourite painting which was above his fireplace. He
said to the man, “This is a real Picasso.”.
The man shook his head. He said, “I am an art expert.
This definitely isn’t a real Picasso. It is a fake.”
The art collector was shocked.
He called up his agent and asked to have
a personal appointment with Picasso.
The meeting was arranged and he flew to Paris. He went directly to Picasso’s studio and after
climbing the stairs, knocked on the door. Picasso shouted, “Come in!”. Picasso was busy
painting a large painting. He quickly looked over his shoulder and asked, “What is it? I’m
busy.”
The art collector said, “Mr. Picasso I only have one quick question. Can you please look at
this painting and tell me if it is a fake?”
Picasso looked over his shoulder at it and quickly snapped, “It is a fake”. The collector
thanked Picasso and left.
One year later, the collector returned to Picasso’s studio. He walked up the stairs and
knocked on the door. Picasso was busy painting and he angrily asked, “What is it?!”
The art collector said, “Picasso, sorry to interrupt but I have just one question. Can you look
at this painting and tell me if it is a fake?” Picasso looked over his shoulder and quickly
replied, “It is a fake!”
The man was shocked, he said, “It can’t be! I was here last year and saw you, yourself,
painting this very painting!Picasso turned around and said,
“Sometimes I paint fakes.










رد مع اقتباس
قديم 2014-01-26, 16:44   رقم المشاركة : 15
معلومات العضو
shogunfree
عضو مشارك
 
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افتراضي

نريد المزييييييييد










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