I saw her in my dream last night

[AbuHossam]

My sister, the mother to the boy that calls me dad,*

I rarely write about her,

Some memories are too painful to dig,

A piece of me died with her when I watched them bury her,

In my dream, my son and I were walking on the beach,

Out of nowhere, I saw a familiar face that I hadn’t seen in a long time,

I saw my sister coming out of the ocean smiling,

She wore a white dress, the one she was buried in,

She sparkled, she was beautiful,

She looked like something close to an angel,*

I didn’t know how to feel about it,

My heart knew this wasn’t real,

Nevertheless, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling at her,

I wanted to run and hug her but I didn’t,

I felt like her son Praise was the one who was supposed to do that,

My sister knelt, and opened her hands, ushering her son to go hug her,

I let go of my son's hand hoping he would run after her,

He didn’t, instead, he reached out for my hand, held it back, and asked,

“Dad, who is that?”

The pain in my sister’s eyes was evident,

She died when the boy was so small to know who she was,

The boy's reaction was justifiable,

Nevertheless, my sister broke down,

“My son doesn’t know me, God what did I do to deserve being separated from my boy, my only love,” she said while crying bitterly.

That broke me too, watching my sister cry made me cry,

I loved her more than words can explain,

I missed her daily,

I wish she was around to raise her son,

Sometimes I am not sure if I deserved being called Dad,

Anyway, I knelt and held my son's Praise hands and said, “son that’s your mother please go hug her, please I beg.”

My son nodded, however when we turned, she was gone,

I woke up with a heavy heart, the dream pained me,

You see, I have always wanted to talk to my son about her mother,

But the pain in my heart won’t let me,

Where do I even begin?

Does he even understand the concept of death?

What if I say something and break everything we have built?

I just hope we can love him enough for him not to feel like an orphan,