Why men can't apologise

[Mohamed]

Doesn't it make you feel better when someone gives a heartfelt apology? So much meaning is contained in those two words “I'm sorry”; they're verbal honey. You know they're sorry that they hurt or upset you. They've given it thought. They want you to feel better. These things are important to smooth over the bumps in a relationship.

So why is sorry such a tough word for many men to say? A friend, Tanya, 41, had a typical experience after a row caused by her husband. He was often tardy, and the last straw was him being late for her best friend's 40th birthday party. Tanya was left hanging around in the foyer of the hotel where the party was being held.

Robert dashed in, saying that he'd explain later. He gave Tanya a hug and, seeing that her face was like thunder, whisked her into the private party room. War broke out when they got home. Tanya was incensed that he just couldn't say sorry. Robert explained his delay. But still no apology.When Tanya challenged him about this he gave her a throwaway reply.

Men may know they're wrong about something but often loathe saying they're sorry. They think it's enough to explain what happened, or why they did something. But saying sorry makes them feel a bit pathetic. They see it as a weakness, not a strength.

So try, if you wish, once you've heard his explanation, to get a real apology but it may well lead to a second fight. You'll end up sorry you tried to squeeze that sorry out of him.

Dr Pam Spurr, relationships expert