May god bless you! I am immensly amazed at how well you have written this piece, how calm it sounds yet so agitated, how it is overwhelmed with different emotions.It is just a masterpiece I am reading now. I wish you will strive to show this raw talent of yours, I believe you will thrive one day, if you aren't already.
I am in by no mean close to your level, but I believe that we say in the 6th verse of your 1st strohpe: a horrible. And in the end of the 2nd I belive it is: when he moans.
I am profusly apologizing for spotting such things, but I am really indepted to you, for it's been a while since I haven't been able to read such piece of art.
With god's blessings.