[اناناسة]

ok , first , you should know that i finally quit and that i left chat let's say forever ... i know that what i was doing is wrong and i knew it all the time but the way we spoke .. the way we laughed ... the way with him i felt comfortable ... made me think and say ''at that time'' why not ... you should know that i was not that kind of popular people at University that is why i was always neglected and like invisible .... ok we always spoke about me ... and we never crossed the red lines like you said spy4you ... our chat was so simple and innocent ...but it was different with him ... he was thinking or i may say what he wanted me to think that i become a real part of his life ... he always suggested and I always refused stricktly and refused to speak about that ... i must say it is true that i trusted him but at the same time i always kept a strange feeling of doubt that he might be playing me ....... i had not and will never have feelings for him ... i just like I said before found him a good secret friend ... i must say he respected me and never said a word outlines
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it is true we have had friend-ship but lately it turned out to be different from his part ... i am not sure wether it is true or not ..but at least this is what i concluded ... when i found in his jestures some kind of power above me , jalousy , some tricks men excercise on their properties .. i understood that my NO was not understood in the right way ... so i told him directly that i am feeling regret for the feelings he have for me .. and that i cannot be part of his life story ... he could not bare the words i said and translated them as i was just saying this because of the stress i was being to (my studies and my dissertation) i always fought to correct him ... but he was obssessed with the idea that we should stay friends
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the first time we stopped chating was like 3 months i have to admit ........i could not turn the page because of his messeges through the mail ...i returned because his words made me feel guilt
we had 5 or 4 times of not speaking to each other but then always fixed things
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now speaking about now ... i quited it has been two weeks and I keep saying to myself that this time i will really stop torturing myself