my first poem

[رحمة 1994]

hi friends
it's the first time that i try to write a poem and i want to share it with you so please i'm waiting for your comments and suggestions and here it is




love has gone
leaving our hearts empty
except sadness and dispair
you are here and i'm here
no way to unit
mooving in the dark vain to find light
i call you but you don't respound
yet my love is very profound
come come and touch my leep
thus you realize how much my love is deep

[*maria*]

really fantastic continue bravooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[spy4me]

thats good sister but you can notice that
there's a contradiction
you've mentioned that love has gone
and then you said my love is profound
besides, take care of syntax's errors
keep trying i like creativity
thank you

[bila00b]

That's good for a rookie ...keep going and take SPY4ME advice in considiration

[رحمة 1994]

hi frineds
thank you so much for your comments and advice
i really need it
thnks again
your friend rahma ^^
















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[miss.rayane]

i think that it's a good poem considering that this is the first time you write a poem.

good work and keep on.we're waiting for your new

[¨°o.رغـ{د الاسلامـ .o°¨]

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[علي الجزائري الحر]

جزاك الله خيرا
جعله الله في موازين حسناتك
موضوع قيم
اخوك في الله محمد