please tell me your opinion

[safiabla]

my heart is full of pain
i can't even explain
even i show you my pain
i really can't explain
my heart is full ofDisappointment
i want to make an achievement
how can i pass this
my heart is full of pain
how can i explain
be strong,be active
to be impressive,to be attractive
my heart is broken
damage,lonly and boring
unbelieveble feeling
stress,scaired and also feer
my heart is full of pain
i can't explain
my heart is crying
crying unusall tears
my heart is screaming
screaming very weared voice
i am in a sercle with whit walls
ican't find the doors,the windows or even a key
i am dying
my heart is dying
i can't find the light in order to fight
no one has the light to help me win my fight
my heart is full of pain
i can't even explain

[نَازِكْ]

well done sis

[لبيبة المسلمة]

really nice

keep it up

thanks

[زهرة الربيع]

wow


good job

^_^

[amira 555]

Nice words

[maldito vida]

?why so sorrow sis
any way nice words
keep it up

[bouchra bou]

good work sis
but u look sad in this poeme
hope it's not real
and that sadness doesn't exist in ur life
keep on writting
and next time we want something happyyyyyyyyyyyy ok!!!!!!!!!!!

[syrus]

First ; let me congratulate you for the nice piece even it was a little bit melancholic and dark , but my focus here will be on the languag*e , i think that your text needs some adjustments , but i can say it is a very good poem for someone who is not a native speaker,

For the languag*e of the poem , i noticed some minor spelling mistakes (i corrected them in red)



***



damage (n) (damaged) (adj) ,lonly (lonely) (adj) and boring (bored) (adj)
unbelieveble(unbelievable) feeling
stress (n) ,scaired (scared) (adj) and also feer (fear) (n)
my heart is full of pain
i can't explain
my heart is crying
crying unusall (unusual) tears
my heart is screaming
screaming very weared (weird) voice
i am in a sercle (circle) with whit (white)walls



***




i have also a remark about parallel structure. For example in the the following sentence :



stress (n) ,scaired (scared) (adj) and also feer (fear) (n)



if you begin the sentence with a (noun) the following words must be of the same category (word class)

if we translate this verse into arabic we will got the following translation


قلق , خائف (ة) , خوف ,



The correct form must be n + n + n



Example :stress , anxiety and also fear



Same thing for the following verse



damage (n) (damaged) (adj) ,lonly (lonely) (adj) and boring (bored) (adj)


ضرر , وحيد , ممل



The correct form must be adj + adj + adj


مضرور , وحداني , مليت (هذي ترجمى بالدارجة ههههه)

[english girl]

well done continue plz